Konfused & Frustrated

I have grown leaps and bounds over the past 8 months-year. However I still find myself frustrated when I get sad and worked up over missing Azlyn and Liam. I was just organizing pictures into shutterfly, and as I wait for them to download I have been updating my blog. I came across my pictures of the last time I got to spend with Liam before he headed to his new home in Utah. Without me, and once again I am feeling that ache in my chest.

Let me clarify two things for you... I love and miss Azlyn, but time has helped heal the constant pain I felt each day not getting to hold her in my arms. With Liam it is still so fresh. It still hurts! I still get that ache in my heart for him. Also let me add that I am not at all sad for what is, but for what will never be... at least not with Azlyn and Liam that is. I never have regretted placing them with Dara and Jim, but I often think of what could have been.

It feels like just the other day I was holding him, and playing with Azlyn. Now looking at the pictures, it feels like ages ago. I just want to hold him, kiss his perfect little face, and tell him how much I love him. How much I always have and always will. I hate feeling this way! DARN YOU HAPPY HORRIBLE FEELINGS! I will continue to feel, and by doing so, I will continue to progress. I want Liam, Azlyn, and Kade to all be so proud of their Birthmother, and Mother!

Hurry up 6 month mark and get here, so that I can hold you once again, and this won't be the last picture I have of us together.