Friday, September 10, 2010

Kuality Friends Become Kuality Family...Our Open Adoption!

Last night in my birthmother group I felt prompted to write a little about my open adoption, as well as about the importance of these groups for any and all birthmothers, wether they have already placed, are looking to place, are undecided, or are planning to single parent. My new case worker Audra heads this group on Thursday evenings out here in the east valley, however there is another one in Mesa on Wednesday evening. When I went through the adoption process for the first time back in January of 2009, my case worker Sharon prompted me to attend some of the birthmother groups. I was not thrilled with the idea, and could not really go anyways since I was on strict bed rest from 24 weeks up until my delivery. To me the group sounded weird and not quite something that I would benefit from. After I had Azlyn I went to the group regularly, and found that I had truly misjudged it. I am so glad that I gave these groups a chance. Everyone in them is so honest... I expected everything to be sugarcoated and no one to really be honest about the struggles they faced before and after placement. I WAS SO WRONG! I love the openness. If any of us are struggling we don't hold back. These support groups are the one place ALL of us girls can go and not feel judged, out of place, and/or alone. It really is all about the support.
A few months after I placed Azlyn I began to shy away from these support groups, quit attending church, pulled away from all of my loved ones, trying to handle all of my emotions and grief on my own. I got caught up in "life" and quickly spiraled downwards! Through all of the trials I have endured throughout my life thus far, if there is anything that I personally have learned it is that for ME to succeed I must never slack when it comes to maintenance. I can never get lax when it comes to my positive supports which include; church, prayer, various support groups through the church and otherwise, family, positive friends/role models, etc... These are all key to me being successful in all my endeavors.

There is not a Thursday that I miss a birthmother goup. This time around while I am pregnant with Liam and preparing for him to join his family I am going to utilize every support imaginable. The placement of Azlyn was beautiful and amazing, and the bond that I share with her parents Dara and Jim is amazing. They have become my family. However this time around before placement I am in a much better place in my life. While I am still nervous for the day when we leave the hospital (that was the hardest time I had to this day when placing Azlyn), I know that Liam will still be a part of my life, and my journey, as Azlyn has always continued to be, and that I will always be a part of Dara and Jims life, and their family.

Our adoption has been so open from day one. We spent wonderful kuality time together while still in the hospital, and since then shared pictures, cards, phone calls, text messages, countless visits, everything you could imagine. After leaving the hospital I saw them numerous times even before they returned to Utah where they live. In fact I will always remember... A week after having Azlyn I received an invite from Dara and Jim to come and hold Azlyn and spend time with them as they packed. To this day they may not know how much that has meant to me. Anyways I joined them and loved every second I was priveledged enough to share with the 3 of them. I remember vividly watching Dara and Jim that day... I have always admired there beautiful relationship, and to this day can't think of a couple I aim to be like more than them. I recall saying to Dara as Jim carried there bags out to load in their car, "I love how you and Jim are together. The way you get along, all of it." To which she replied that they are best friends, and couldn't imagine not being that way. They are spending eternity together and who wants to spend eternity with someone they constatly fight with and do not speak kindly to!?! I loved her response so much because it was so much more than words... It was so clearly in their actions too! One day that will be me:)

The other day Dara posted on her blog about our adoption, and I absolutely loved it and got her permission to publish it on my blog as well. So thanks Dara for sharing this with me.

Open Adoption = Our Adoption!

"Last week Katie and I were talking about how so many people just don't understand our situation. The term "open" adoption seems foreign to so many. And yet it is what we are most comfortable with and feel is bet for our families. I heard the Michael McLean song, "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours", the other day on the radio and was struck again by the amazing experience that I am about to go through again with Liam. I was YouTubing the song's title and came across many videos of birth and adopted families that had chosen to have open adoptions. They made videos and as I watched them I thought of my experience with Azlyn and soon to be experience with Liam. The videos below reminded me so much of Katie, Azlyn, Jim and I. In fact as I was watching I thought of specific pictures of our experience that I could have put in the place of these girls' pictures.

In the second video there is a quote from Desha Wood which says, "He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so, thogether, we are motherhood." That quote summed up the conversation that Katie and I had this past week. I love you Katie and am grateful that you loved my children enough to give them life and allow me to be their mother."

I love you too!!! And the way we have chosen to have our open adoption feels so natural to me. Just like we said on the phone that day... We both know where we stand and the roles that we play. We are so comfortable with how everything is (how it should be), the roles that we each play that we feel no threat from each other, which is why I think so many people don't understand or want open adoptions. I love that Dara is Azlyn and Liam's mother, and that Jim is there father. They ended up in the family they were meant to be with, and I am so glad that I am forever a part of how they came to be there. Love you guys!


  1. What an amazing post. You are so strong. When you get to the other end of the tunnel you could be a great help to other girls faced with the challenging decision of adoption. You'll be able to reach them in a way that no one else could. I love hearing the love that you, Dara, and Jim have for eachother. Incredible. I wish you the best in the upcomming months. You'll make it through and be stronger for it. We love you, Katie, keep on moving in this right direction, and in a few years, you'll find yourself more happy than you ever thought possible. :)

  2. Katie, I absolutely love this post! It is something that I can't wait to share with Azlyn and Liam. They too will be so proud to be apart of your and Kade's life. They come from such goodness. I see it in you and I know that you see it in yourself which is why I know you are going to make it. We will be there for you always especially through those hard days. You are never alone! All 4 of us will love you to the moon and back FOREVER!