Monday, May 2, 2011


I could sure use my birthmothers/birthmothers support group right about now. Correct me if I am wrong, but we did not have a funeral for Azlyn or Liam right? I distinctly remember having 2 placement ceremonies when I signed the adoption paperwork (to give them a better life, not to throw them away and get them out of my life so I didn't have to have anything to do with them), they are both still very much alive and very much an important part of my life, right!?! I wanted to keep them more than anything in my life, but they deserved better, and so did Kade.  

I need your support. You should care because Azlyn and Liam matter to me. You should be there for me! Quit acting like they never happened, and like I should just forget about them. I can't handle it anymore. I wanna just run away from you and never care about what you both think or say to me anymore, because lately all I feel is hurt from you and your actions. You will never know what it feels like to be in my shoes. You think you hurt? Step outside of yourself for the first time in your life, and imagine the agony I am going through knowing that emotionally I am completely alone without you two by my side.

I still stand by my decision that placing Azlyn and Liam was the right thing to do! I don't regret it one bit, but without your support, I find myself thinking more and more often what it would have been like to have kept them both, and that gets me down, and I don't like having those thoughts. I wish you would just be there for me because being there for me is the right thing to do.