Saturday, August 21, 2010

Kalming Reassurances

Have you ever heard the name Liam before? Well up until a few months ago I hadn't. However when Dara and Azlyn came down for a visit and I asked if her and Jim were ready to add another member to their family... This time a baby boy. She told me the name they had chosen for him would be Liam. I instantly loved it just as I had Azlyn's name upon hearing it.

Okay so just as when I was pregnant with Azlyn, I am receiving many "signs" or calming little messages here and there that bring me peace as well as reassurance that Azlyn and now Liam are going to be with the family they were meant to be a part of all along. I am so grateful for all the components that have fit together to bring me peace and put a smile on my face when I am sometimes struggling to be happy about things.

I guess the first "sign" I received was the same day I heard their name choice, Liam James. How perfect that the day before I had named him myself and fell upon Linken John. He is still going to be LJ. I absolutely love it.

Second, I have been reading Breaking Dawn. The last book in the Twilight Saga. As I was reading the other night before bed, what name should be mentioned? None other than Liam (which is mentioned only once in the entire book). Correct spelling and all. I was dumbfounded. I immediately text Dara and asked her if she had heard it from the book, but she had not and looked it up herself as well. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, once again reassuring me that baby Liam is meant to be.

And finally, tonight I was watching the show Person's Unknown. One That my sister Merri and her husband Richard turned me onto. A new butler was on the show tonight, and when his name was uttered Liam, I jumped up, grabbed my phone to once again text this to Dara as well as my entire family to tell them the fascinating news. Maybe I am easily amused and/or comforted, but to me this was HUGE!!! Anyways... Dara text me back and then pointed out that Butler was her maiden name as well. "Signs" truly are everywhere.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Keeping A Healthy Perspective!

"It is unworthy of us as Christians to think that those who suffer deserve their suffering. Our Savior willingly took upon Himself the pain and sickness and suffering of us all-even those of us who appear to deserve our suffering."

-"You Are My Hands" President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

My life has been nothing short of a very extreme, loopy, up and down roller coaster ride. Over the past six years I have been battling with substance abuse, an abusive husband, divorce, single parenting my wonderful 3 year old son Kade Barclay Koutz, the adoption of my beautiful little girl Azlyn Kate McEnaney (19 months), and soon also baby Liam James McEnaney (currently 29 weeks pregnant).

So four nights a week I attend two various support groups for substance abuse and one for birth mothers, and the fifth day I attend individual counseling at LDS Family Services. (Through all of these groups and sessions I should become very well rounded!!!) Everywhere I turn in all of these settings I have been hearing this same quote from President Uchtdorf, which makes me think how much there really is to it. However... even before the classes and counseling sessions my wonderful very supportive friend Tamy on numerous occasions has brought up and recited this very quote in conversations with me. Also, as we have had many hours to visit about this article, she told me a parable of a woman who had had a difficult life. She did not look like someone that you may have stopped to talk with. She was old, worn out, and had struggled with life experiences. In President Uchtdorf's talk he said that in the eyes of the Lord everyone is a VIP. He went on to say that an old, wrinkled, dirty, torn up $20 bill is worth the same as a brand new crisp $20 bill from the bank. There have been times in my life where I related to the used, worn out $20 bill. I am thankful to know that to the Lord I am precious and perfect (a VIP) and the same worth as that of the new crisp $20 bill.

Today in my counseling session with David at LDS Family Services, he brought to my attention that the primary song does not say WE are a child of God. It says "I am a child of God". I am thankful to know that I am not only his child but his daughter, and that he has a divine plan for me, and some of the things I have gone through are a part of my plan. I am thankful for some of my stumbling stones for I am learning to use them as building blocks in mine and Kade's life.

Too many times I have been guilty of feeling as though I deserve to be miserable due to choices I have made. As have others I am sure. Because I have had to go through the repentance process more than once and use the Atonement some may say that "you reap what you sow". However the Atonement is a blessing and I am grateful I am able to take part in it, and although forgiving myself is a process I am quickly learning that I deserve to be happy despite some poor decisions made along the way.

Friday, August 13, 2010

This is the new blog I hope you enjoy it, if you want me to change anything or you don't like the colors just let me know xoxo monya